Ten Weeks of Twins

I’ve been a very bad blogger. But it’s only because I’ve been a very good employee. I had a tough deadline to meet for work, and so for the last 10 weeks, every spare minute has been dedicated to finishing my project. And I mean every spare minute. Larry forgot what I looked like until I finally emerged from my cave on Monday.

But I’m back. So let me get caught up.

Birthday Bash

The boys turned 1 in October and we had a small party here at the house. I pretended it was a party for Ren and Grayden, but in all honestly, it was really to celebrate mine and Larry's accomplishment in surviving the first year with twins. Together. 

Hey, Publix, why do you work so hard on a cake just to jumble together the words?

But Grayden took to his birthday like, well, like a baby to cake:

Ren, on the other hand, was not feeling well that day, and wanted nothing to do with his cake at all.

He didn't eat one bite.

Grayden also thoroughly enjoyed opening his gifts. He moved through them like King Kong in New York, growling and snarling and destroying everything in his path. Christmas should be fun.

Helmets

On Thanksgiving, after 28 weeks of wear, we retired the cranial remolding helmets. Both boys made great progress, but Grayden is definitely better than Ren. Ren's head is still quite deformed and his face is extremely asymmetrical. Luckily, he has curly hair that will likely hide his flat spot to the untrained eye, but every bath time is difficult for me. I stare at his head and wonder what I could have done differently. More tummy time, earlier intervention, different helmet. I wonder how a boy is going to grow up on the beach and in the creeks and in the salt marshes without being made fun off every time he swims with friends. It is a minor worry in the grand scheme of life--and we have been blessed beyond words--but a worry that keeps a mother awake at night sometimes.

Here is Gray's last scan and a picture of his head before helmets:

Unfortunately, the orthotist compared the final scan (blue line) with a previous scan in August (red line), rather than the original in April. But you can still see that his head is much better compared to the picture.

And here is Ren's scan. It is misleading because it measures the outer rmost part of Ren's skull. The major deformity occurs above this, so it's not shown in the scan:

As you can see, the helmet really helped with reshaping his forehead, which is a plus. But the asymmetry is still very noticeable in his eye, cheek, and chin. I took him back to physical therapy for his torticollis this month, and the therapist noted that his tort looks much worse than it is because of the asymmetry. 

Ren's asymmetry

New Skills

It's been a busy 10 weeks! Both boys have growing vocabularies, which started with the word "Ball." After repeating "ball" non-stop for weeks and weeks and weeks, they now say "outside," "Nonni," "Papa," "Jud" (usually yelled at the top of their lungs when Jud is outside. I wonder where they get that from?), "bye-bye," "no-no," and many more.

They have both learned to sit at their table:

But only one has learned to get down from his chair. Can you tell which one?

Ren's fine motor skills are developing well. He can sign "All done" which, when done with only one hand, becomes an elegant "Hi" that even the Queen of England would envy:

Cheerio, Governor!

 He has also learned to pick his nose:

It really needs no words.

And it appears that they have both entered the Jedi Training Academy:

"The Force is with you, young Skywalker, but you are not a Jedi yet."

Larry and I are very proud.

Christmas

We have seen Santa Claus twice this month. The first Santa looked and sounded awfully familiar, so the boys had no problem visiting with him:

Ho, Ho, Who?

The second Santa didn't go over so well:

This is not my Papa!

In Gray's defense, I would have cried, too, if I had to sit on that guy's lap.

I think that about brings us up to speed. Today we are going to Sam's Club because it's the only place on the island that has double shopping carts. Oh, it's the little things that matter so much when you are twice blessed.

Merry Christmas!

Adventures in Baby Spitting

I admit, I’ve been a lagging blogger. It’s not for a lack of things to write about—the boys are meeting new milestones every week. But my time has been compromised, with work, exercise, and motherhood. I think I’ve said this before, but I did not understand the phrase “not enough hours in the day” until I had children. I’ve had to prioritize, so blogging (and cleaning) have taken a back seat to my paycheck, waistline, and twins.

Adventures in Food

The boys eat their meals side-by-side in two highchairs. I’ve noticed that when I place the exact same food item on both of their trays, they reach for their brother’s tray. I guess when it belongs to someone else it just tastes better.

PLEASE give us a bath.

Grayden has started to spit his food. In the last week, I have been sprayed with chicken, squash, yogurt, banana, and mashed potatoes. He started this bad habit with his father, who encouraged the happy spitter by laughing. Grayden laughed back, and the game began. I, however, do not find it so funny, since I am the recipient of sprayed food 16 times a week. I’ve firmly said “No,” swatted his hand, and given the evil eye. It all makes Grayden laugh harder. Finally, I decided to wipe his mouth with a wet cloth every time he does it (something both my boys hate). He got swiped 8 times in about 30 seconds that first day, but has finally started to associate spit food with cold wet towels. I have a feeling that Grayden will always be the one to challenge us. Although his daddy might quickly pass the spoon, I’m not one to back down from a challenge. Game on, Gray.

I’ve started hiding treats in the playroom every morning. They were quick to pick up on this, and now spend every morning scouring the room looking in my favorite hiding spots. It dawned on me that they just think the food magically appears, having no idea that I put it there because I love them. But isn’t that what parenthood is all about? Disguising love with magic.

Adventures in Mobility

Both boys are walking. Although Grayden was the last to stand, he was the first to walk somewhere on his own. His sense of balance is quite amazing, and he can stand unaided for several minutes. Once he mastered this, moving forward was literally the next logical step. 

Ren began walking just to make me smile. This kid likes to please me, so we began a game of walking between me and the giant stuffed turtle that inhabits our playroom (thanks, Aunt GiGi!). He would take 3 or 4 steps and fall onto the turtle, then turn around and take 3 or 4 steps until he fell into me. Larry called him a “High Walker” in this early stage, because he would begin on flat feet and end up on his tippy toes. It was more like a run than a walk, too, but I moved farther away from the turtle each day and Ren never failed to run between us. Once Grayden showed Ren that walking is more leisurely and deliberate, Ren started slowing down and now he walks to get where he wants instead of to get a smile out of mom. We still play the turtle game, though, just because his own crooked smile is priceless.

I can walk, too!

Adventures in Communication

Ren has stalled on “Mama,” “Dada,” and a few words he randomly repeats. Gray, though, is saying several words. “Ball,” is his favorite, and today he said “Touchdown!” (I even had a witness for that one).

Both boys have started to dance, but neither is pointing. Fine motor skills have never been their strong suit. Grayden does clap whenever we show excitement, and Ren has proven he can clap, but mostly he just waves both hands up and down.

Adventures in Plagiocephaly

I started to wonder if I had made the right decisions about the helmets every time I looked at Ren’s head. He just wasn’t growing and his head was still a blaring parallelogram. He was scanned after wearing the helmet for 13 weeks and showed no change. At his 16 week appointment, I could still tell that we had a long way to go, even without the scan. But then things started to change quite quickly. I gave him a bath about 18 weeks into the helmet and was amazed by what I was seeing. You have to see their heads wet to gauge their progress, as their hair—especially Ren’s curls—can deceive you. But Ren’s head looked REALLY round. So I was anxious to see his scan at 19 weeks. And I was not disappointed:

 His head circumference was nearly perfect! Gray, on the other hand, had slowed down. He made great changes in the beginning, but between 13 and 19 weeks, he had not made much progress:

We’ve decided to keep them in the helmets for 6 more weeks. I know they work, and our orthotist thinks we can get a little more change from them. Even though Ren’s circumference looks good, you can still see some deformity in places. I am anxious to be done with the helmets, but we’ve come this far and I need to see it through.

As for United Healthcare, (this line has been removed for profanity). It turns out that it is perfectly legal for them to make exceptions for some members but not others. Most of the families who have been granted exceptions work for a company with a large, powerful HR department; the HR head makes a phone call and UHC covers a helmet. I work for a company with a one-woman HR department, and UHC is not really concerned whether it loses our business (nor is my HR department willing to switch insurance companies). So I am sadly stuck.

They have provided a final denial on Grayden, but they are still giving me the run-around on Ren. Their representatives have a very hard time keeping my children straight (I feel for the member calling on behalf of triplets), so most calls to them are over 30 minutes long and result in a supervisor eventually lying to me or hanging up on me just to get me off the phone. For my last call, I requested a final denial letter for Ren, just like the one I received for Grayden. Instead, they sent me a copy of the first denial letter with the word “COPY” stamped on it. Often I will mail letters rather than deal with incompetent phone representatives, but all letters have to be sent by certified mail with a return receipt, or they deny receiving them.

I have no doubt that these helmets will be covered for severe cases of plagiocephaly in the future. New Jersey recently passed a law requiring all insurance companies to cover them. I sent letters to my state representatives, but like most politicians, they “passed the buck” with a letter stating they would send my requests on to someone at the State Department of Insurance (even though my cc list included the SDI). The State Department of Insurance wrote that they cannot help me unless I want to bring a discrimination suit against UHC. And the man that I spoke to from the Federal Department of Labor said that the insurance company is allowed to pick and choose who to make exceptions for, so I cannot claim discrimination. Urgh. I know that some parents pursue helmets for slight cosmetic issues or because they failed to prevent plagio from happening. But I had preemies, multiples, and children with congenital torticollis—the big three in plagiocephaly. This was not our fault, and it’s a crime that it’s not covered. If I had the money to hire a lawyer, I’d go after them on principal. But if I had the money to pay for a lawyer, I probably wouldn’t be worried about the cost of the helmets in the first place.

Now it’s on to grant applications.

Stay tuned…. We have a first birthday in six short days.

First bath together (at least the first one in a real tub).

Puffs the Magic Snack-on

I have found a solution for all of the (baby) world's problems: puffs.

These little flower-shaped snacks are puffed grains that dissolve in your mouth. They come in a variety of flavors, from sweet potato to strawberry apple to cinnamon, and they are typically the first finger food you introduce to babies. My boys adore them, so much so, that the offering of puffs can stop any tears or tantrums.

Mad because your brother took your toy? Try a puff, sweetie.

Rammed your un-helmeted head into the corner of a coffee table? Have a puff, my bruised baby boy.

Upset because I'm leaving the room to do dishes? Let these puffs take my place, darling. Mommy loves you.

Seriously, I have yet to encounter a situation in which puffs did not stop their tears instantly. Just the mere mention of the name "puffs" slows down the tears, and once I spread a handful of the coveted morsels on their blanket, moans, groans, and shrieks are replaced with Mmm's and Num-num-nums.

And while they do not seem to have the same effect on adults (promises of puffs have yet to calm Larry down after a bad golf game), they are magical for most kids. My niece, Woodley, is 2 and had been off of the puffs for over a year when she stumbled on a container of them at my house. She has since come out of puffs-retirement. My nephew, Blake, is 5, and if I leave puffs out while he is over, they have a habit of disappearing. 

I guess I could compare children and their puffs to adults and their chocolate and booze, but let's be honest: chocolate never makes me feel better after I hurt myself and vodka only makes me cry more when dealing with abandonment issues. I think puffs are the ultimate elixir, and we should all petition Gerber to invent an adult version to fix bad economies, natural disasters, and general grown-up woes.

A reverent Grayden admires a single puff.

Okay, United Healthcare, it's on.


I've tried to play nice. I've followed your rules and jumped through your hoops. I've quietly waited for you to do the right thing, but it's obvious you have no intentions of manning up or paying up. The first few rounds may go to you, but I'm coming out swinging now.


UHC will not cover the boys plagiocephaly helmets. The cost is substantial; I borrowed the money for one and we depleted our meager savings for the other. It's a small price to pay, though, when you think about how important the outcome. The helmets not only reform the babies' misshapen skulls, but they also ensure that we will not have to have surgery down the road to correct a number of associated problems, from jaw misalignment to vision disturbances to migraines. 


Some UHC policies cover the helmets but mine has an exclusion in place that denies coverage for "braces that reshape body parts." This exclusion is a stall tactic specifically used to deny cranial remolding helmets. Since the "Back to Sleep" campaign in 1992, more and more babies are presenting with plagio, and insurance companies are looking for any excuse to get out of covering a medically necessary corrective. These helmets are so important that a few states have passed laws guaranteeing insurance coverage. I have no doubt that all insurance companies will cover the helmets in the next 10 years because of pressure from legislatures and large HR departments, but for now, I am left to fight UHC alone.


My 40 page appeal argued seven points:


1. Reconstructive procedures are a covered health service. UHC's own medical policy states "Cranial orthotic devices are reconstructive for the treatment of craniofacial asymmetry in
infants 3-18 months of age with severe nonsynostotic positional plagiocephaly." Therefore, the helmets should be covered by my policy since they are reconstructive. I also argued that the helmets' main function is to reconstruct the skull, not change its shape. It's like covering breast reconstruction vs enlargement.


2. Durable medical equipment is covered. By UHC's definition, cranial helmets fit all criteria of DME.


3. I have the names and addresses of four families with the same exclusion who received coverage in the last year. Why are my sons being discriminated against?


4.  We followed the prescribed course of treatment by pediatricians, physical therapists, and orthotists.


5. Current policies from the AMA, AAP, and FDA support cranial banding.


6. Medical research indicates that untreated plagio can result in much more serious and costly health issues.


7. Cranial banding is the standard of care for plagio.


Each point was explained in detail and supported with photographs, journals, and medical evidence.


Because I had several previous issues with UHC (lost letters and hang-ups when transferring departments), I sent both appeals by certified mail with a return receipt. On the same day I received the return receipt, I also received letters stating that UHC had the appeals and would respond in 30 days. So imagine my surprise that in the same batch of mail was a denial for Grayden's helmet. I was quite confident that they didn't read the appeal; how could they have read and decided on 40 pages and sent a letter in the same amount of time it took the post office to return the read receipt? 


I bit my tongue, though, afraid that any complaint I made would negatively impact the decision on Ren's helmet. I waited 30 days and still didn't hear anything. I finally got up the nerve (and the time) to call UHC and asked about Ren's appeal. The first few people I talked to didn't have an answer for me. It was clear I had made an appeal but not clear what the decision was. Then I was transferred to the "Rapid Resolution Department," the name of which I cannot type without shaking my head.The lady there told me that Ren had been denied and that the letter I received for Grayden was actually for both babies. Funny, since Ren's name appeared NOWHERE on the document but Grayden's was clearly inserted in the form letter in four different places. She knew they had screwed up and used a flimsy excuse to try to get out of it.


So I then asked for my second appeal for both babies, a request that Grayden's denial letter said I could make by phone or mail. Of course, she claimed I could not make the request over the phone and said I had to send a letter. Oh, and are you ready for this? A separate letter for each baby.


I am not a fool. By making me send a letter, they can claim it was never received and I can run out of time before the second appeal request deadline. So I sent these letters once again by certified mail with return receipt.


Now I wait, again. If I worked for a big corporation with an influential HR department, my HR rep could call and put some pressure on, which solves the issue most of the time. But like I said, it's just me. I am sure that doesn't worry UHC, but most people who know me know that I won't let this go. Publicly calling them out on my blog is only my first step (I know that people searching "UHC" "exclusion" and "plagiocephaly" have found this blog). My last is taking a discrimination suit to my state insurance board. Everything in between is just designed to create as much hassle and paperwork for them that they have caused for me.


In Baby News:
We were rescanned on Friday and Grayden is showing great progress. Only 4 to 6 more weeks in the helmet! The red line is his original scan at the end of April; the blue line is from this week:

Ren still isn't growing. You can tell from the scan that the front part of his head is nearly the same size it was in April. When he does grow, the head growth goes in the right direction. He's at least 8 more weeks in the helmet unless we get an amazing growth spurt.

Grayden is now standing! Last weekend he pulled up on Larry once and on a pillow three times. He did it once more on Monday, but then Ren pushed him down and scratched him and that seemed to end his attempts for a while. He regained his confidence this weekend and now he's up all the time.

Both babies had colds and fevers this past week, but are feeling much better now. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of me. My ex-teacher super-strength antibodies have finally failed me, and I am suffering from lethargy and a sore throat. If that's what I get for kissing and cuddling sick babies, so be it.


EDIT:
At the end of our helmet saga, I learned there is only one way around this exception (besides UHC error and dumb luck): your HR department. If you want to win, just have your HR department call on your behalf. Since my HR department is a one-woman team who was not willing to call, I'm not really sure what goes on in these conversations, but my best guess is that they say something like "We're shopping around for a new carrier for our employees, but before we do, is there anything you can do about Employee X's coverage for a plagio helmet?"


I talked to several women whose children received coverage. When I asked how, they just said "The HR department called." So that's the secret. We're still out $6000 and we still have some major flat heads (was it the Starband or the orthotist?), but I'm learning to live with it.

It Gets Better

Ren and Gray were about 2 months old when I took them to Target for the first time. I had them in their car seats, loaded into the "bus"---a tandem stroller that was a sight to see---and was avoiding the attention that both the twins and stroller garnered by moving through the narrow pathways of the departments instead of through the wide aisles in the middle of the store.

The "Bus"

I was longingly looking at the new John Sanford novel (what new mom has time for reading?) when I felt many eyes upon us. I looked up, ready for the standard questions ("Yes, they are twins." "No, they do not look anything alike." "Yes, I used fertility drugs."), when I found myself gazing into the eyes of a woman who knew. There were two little girls in her cart, both about a year old. She didn't ask any questions, she just said, "It gets better."

Tears welled up in my eyes. "I promise," she said, "it gets better and one day you'll be so thankful there are two." I managed a weepy thank you, but we did not exchange any other words. I don't know if it was mother's intuition that made her stop or just seeing a new twin mama and remembering how it felt. But her simple gesture was a lifeline. I clung to her words for months, in the middle of the night, when I had been up four times for 2 hours each, and in the daytime, when one baby screamed while I tended to the other. "It gets better," I would whisper and sometimes even believe it was true.

Well Target Twin Mom, you were right. Every three months we seem to hit a new milestone on the "better" meter. At 3 months, the boys started sleeping for longer stretches at night, and some of my sanity was restored. At 6 months, we were able to institute nap routines that led to my little squirt sleeping through the night. And now at 9 months, the boys have started to play together. I encourage independent play throughout the day, and will sneak into the kitchen or office while the boys are in the playroom. When I return, they are always within two feet of each other, even if they are playing with different toys. When one moves to a far corner of the room, the other picks up his toy and follows. I guess there is security in the nearness of their brother. 

I'm not sure if raising twins actually gets easier, or if you just become adjusted to your new lifestyle. Many people are used to a strict routine when they bring children into the world; they go from high school to college to an entry-level job to mother or father, and it must be an easier adjustment to make when you life has been dictated by others for so long. Plus, they have the energy of a true 25 year old to handle the demands of two infants. But Larry and I had over 10 years to learn to live without many rules. We woke when we wanted, went wherever we felt like, and spent money on anything we fancied. It's a difficult adjustment when your sleep is interrupted, you are trapped in your home, and your money runs out before payday. On top of that, you're pushing 40 and still dealing with baby weight (both real and sympathy weight), so energy levels and physical strength are sapped at the end of the day. I suspect that both reasons "It gets better" are true: as your children grow, it gets easier to meet their needs, but also you become adjusted to your new life and its demands.

Larry and I were resting on the giant sea turtle in their playroom this weekend, and I surprised myself when I said, "Can you imagine if we only had one? We'd be so bored." Those first few months seem like a small price to pay for a lifetime of entertainment and the knowledge that our children will have each other. Someday, if I am in Target and I happen on a new twin mom, I'll be sure to pass on those sentiments to her. Because it does get better, each and every day.

In Baby News:

Ren is close to taking those first few steps, and thanks to Aunt GiGi, he is able to move all over the playroom on two feet. 

He is a babbling fool these days, and we're now getting random "Mama"s, "Dada"s, and "Hi"s, and he said "egg" the other day at breakfast (and yes, he was eating eggs). Ren is weighing in at a whopping 19 pounds, 1 ounce and measuring 25 inches long. We had our 9 month wellness visit last week where we learned he is in the 26th percentile for weight, but only the 1st percentile for height.

Grayden is pulling himself up to his knees and thinking about the next step. He is so much more deliberate than his brother. His crawling has improved greatly, and while it still takes so much more effort for him to move across the room than it does Ren, he can no longer be described as "lumbering."

Gray is also babbling; we've had "Hi" often and "Uh-oh" once when Ren fell. He sings all day. At his appointment last week, he weighed 23 pounds, 4 ounces (86th percentile) and measured 28 inches long (42nd percentile). My boys are catching up!

Helmet Update: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good

Anyone who knows the boys and sees them without their helmets comments “I can’t believe how much better their heads look!” And I wanted to believe that there was a change, too, but I was worried that it was just their thickening hair playing tricks on our eyes. 

Gray, 4 months

Gray, 8 months

But on Friday, I got my proof. We went back for our 6 week adjustment and Jim the orthotist ran a scan of both boys to see their improvement. These pictures show the life-size shape of their heads as if looking down on top of them. The red line is the original scan 9 weeks ago; the blue line is their heads last week. 

Ren (above) has shown great improvement considering he hasn’t grown. The boy is just as small as he was in March. But that means a growth spurt is imminent, and the helmets do their best work when babies grow suddenly. And the little bit of change he has made shows that he’s growing in the right direction.

Grayden’s massive cranium (already in the 95% percentile), on the other hand, has grown tremendously. You can see that his head is rounding out over the previous flat spot. (Where does he get that big head? Our old hairdresser in Adrian said that my mom, my sisters, and I had extremely small noggins, so it must come from the Watts family. Now that I think about it, Larry’s visors are always barely velcroed together).  

The Bad

We have all become dependent on the helmets. I do not worry when Ren crawls under tables or stands using a flimsy toy for balance. Grayden thinks nothing of sitting and suddenly throwing himself backwards onto the floor. They’ve got helmets to protect them, right?

Except for that one hour of the day that I take the helmets off and clean them. After the boys’ baths, they are free to crawl on the floor. Which goes fine until they forget that their helmets are on the front porch, drying in the sun, and not on their heads, protecting their craniums from bumps and bruises. Ren will bang is head on the sliding glass door, and Grayden will tumble over and land on hard plastic toy. Shrieks and tears ensue, and if one is crying, the other is sure to join in, even if he’s perfectly fine playing on the floor. If any scratches appear where the helmet would cover them, we have to leave the helmet off until they heal! And I can only hope that when the helmets permanently come off in the next two to four months, the boys are agile movers or else they quickly learn to watch their heads!

The Ugly

United Healthcare denied Grayden’s appeal. I doubt the insurance employee even read it; the denial arrived the same day as a UHC letter saying “We’ve received your appeal” and the same day as the postal service return receipt. Ren’s has not yet been denied; I can only hope that someone is actually reading it and will approve it. Once one is approved, they cannot deny the other, can they? I am quickly learning to not assume when it comes to an insurance company. In the last two months, they have hung up on me 3 times (they claimed they were transferring me 20 minutes into the call), denied receiving my letters, and repeatedly failed to send one of the claim denials (I couldn't appeal until I had it in hand). I sent the appeal by certified mail (and also sent copies to every politician on the East Coast) because it's common for them to deny its existence. As for Grayden’s claim, I will re-appeal (by sending the exact same letter), as I have learned through my research that the squeaky wheels get oiled, rotated, inflated, and cleaned.

In Other News

Grayden is crawling! He started on June 30, taking a few “steps” before collapsing from the weight that is Grayden. Then he completely quit all attempts. If he wanted something, he cried until I retrieved it. Until the Fourth of July, when he just hoisted himself up on all fours and strolled across the blanket in the playroom. Whereas Ren will crawl to explore every corner of a room, Grayden only crawls if the action has a calculated purpose, like reaching a favorite toy or moving away from his pesky brother. At physical therapy today, his PT tried to get him to crawl about 10 feet to a toy in which he had shown interest. It wasn’t until she moved it within 4 feet that he said, “Okay, now I’ll show you.” When you’re 4 pounds heavier than your “older” brother, you’ve got to conserve energy any way you can.

With their new freedom, life is getting easier in the Watts household. I’m actually starting to think I can do this.

Green Eyed Monsters

Two days shy of the 8 month mark, Ren stood up in his crib. I was reading the boys a bedtime story and alternating pages between the two cribs. As I finished Grayden's page, I turned around and Ren was standing with a huge smile on his face. "Look at me, mom! I'm standing!" he said, without any words at all. This picture is from this third vertical feat that evening:

Mmm, crib!

So now not only is Ren crawling wherever he wants to go, but he is also standing, and has even walked a few steps holding on to the couch. Containing him in our small living room area was proving difficult, so we converted our dining room into a giant play pen. Papa Wood installed the Great Wall of Chinaberry to keep Ren from escaping, and he is quite content with his new found freedom in the large room. His favorite toy is the Roomba robot vacuum, which he turns on and then squeals enthusiastically as he crawls after it. 

The Great Wall of Chinaberry

But poor Grayden. While Ren zooms past him, he is stuck where he sits. Or lays. He is preparing to crawl, rocking on all fours just like his brother did last month, but not really propelling himself yet. Ren will crawl in and steal his toys right out of his hands or brace himself on Gray's helmet as he stands up. Ren has also tried to eye-gouge and fish-hook his incapacitated brother. Grayden tolerates such treatment much better than I would, but I fear for little Ren when his bruiser brother is as agile.

Laid back is an understatement.

This morning brought a new dynamic to their relationship: jealously. I am sure it's an issue that Larry and I will deal with constantly throughout their childhood, but one that every parent dreads. And it must be much worse with twins than with singleton births. My sisters were 4 and 8 years younger than me, so we expected differences between the way we were treated and cared for. They were told that they could have what I had when they were older, and I knew that they needed my parents' attention more than I did because they were younger--just as I had received such attention before they were born. But with twins, they expect the same love and attention at the same time. This morning that was clearly obvious when I was snuggling with Grayden. He was sitting on the floor next to me as I leaned over to give him hugs and kisses. Ren noticed this from across the room and came charging. He crawled right into my lap, pulled himself up on my leg until we were eye-level, and planted his slobbery rendition of a kiss on my cheek. Then he smiled and chuckled. "Huh. Huh." Grayden realized that his alone time with mama had been stolen by the free-moving kissing bandit and he began to cry. I set Ren down on the floor and grabbed Grayden to soothe him and snuggle and Ren started to cry. I scooped both babies up but it was too late. They had a full on meltdown in my lap because each had been interrupted by the other. What I hope both boys come to realize is that even though there are two of them, I have enough love to go around and that even though they are twins, I recognize that they are individuals and will make sure that each has his own special time with us.

Stranger Danger: My Kids Have Helmets

Who knew that Larry's "Helmet" nickname (thank you, T-Bag) was actually a premonition? 

After 4 1/2 months of pushing, prodding, and pulling both the pediatricians and physical therapists, Ren and Grayden received their cranial remolding helmets. I ran right out to the store and decorated them with vinyl stickers while we spent 5 days adjusting to the helmets by wearing them on an abbreviated schedule. The babies took to the helmets without too many issues (although the first night was absolute torture for all three of us). 

The helmets are worn 23 hours a day. In the hour that they are off, I have to clean them with shampoo and rubbing alcohol, and give both babies a bath. I am somehow managing to squeeze this two hour process into the hour long window while still managing to let the boys play for a few minutes helmet-free. It would be very tempting to just set the helmets aside if not for the exorbitant amount of money we paid for them and the amazing results we are already starting to see. Both boys are developing rounder heads and the bulges on their foreheads have been pushed back. The helmets are worth every penny.

The reaction to the helmets has been somewhat comical (or rude, depending on how I'm feeling that day). Most people assume that my children have a serious mental condition. When we were at Walmart one day, only Grayden had the helmet on (as Ren was recovering from a blister). He is now 4 pounds heavier than Ren, but he is clearly still an infant. The cashier lady looked at me, pointed at the helmeted Gray, and asked "Is he two years old?" What she didn't say, but rather implied, was "Is your two year old mentally disabled?" Luckily these comments do not bother me, but I know some mothers who might have had to be escorted out of Walmart given a similar situation involving their children.

So what if I like to roll under the coffee table?

When directly asked about the helmets, I am trying out a variety of lines. The challenge is in not laughing when I say them.

Curious Stranger: "Why are your babies wearing helmets?"

Smart Alec Mother: "They are training for the Superbowl." Or "They keep falling out of the stroller." Or "They are doing their own stunts in their next movie." Or "They like to ram their heads into walls." Or, my favorite, "I am a really bad driver." Feel free to suggest new ones. I'll let you know how they go.

The best comment came from a grandpa in Charleston. I am not sure if it was the spectacle of twins or the spectacle of  helmets, but when we walked into a Five Guys Burgers, every eye in the restaurant fell on us. I felt like I was living a line from a Bob Seger song as I tried to pretend I was not aware of their gawking, but even the boys could feel the weight of their stares. Still unbound by the laws of social behavior, Ren and Grayden stared back, mouths open. The only guy in the place who didn't pick up on the awkwardness came rambling over to talk to my mom about grandkids. The first thing he said was "Too cool! I didn't know they made helmets for babies." He seemed to think we put them on the boys to avoid collisions with furniture, walls, and each other.

And the funniest thing is that these helmets do serve a dual purpose. I rarely worry about the boys when they are helmeted. They no longer need pillows behind them when they sit and I don't worry about them hitting their heads on the coffee table anymore. I've gone so far as to put their helmets back on them early after a bath if they want to play on the floor.

And speaking of playing on the floor, we have a cruiser. Ren has mastered the art of crawling, both forward and backward! I cannot leave him alone for a minute or he'll be splashing in the dog's water bowl or eating Larry's fishing tackle (no, not really. At least not yet, anyway). The helmet makes his crawling especially adorable, as he has to tilt his head far back to see you over the rim of the helmet. So slap, slap, slap, he moves forward three feet, stops and tips his head back to make sure you're still at the end of his projected path. Those little brown eyes searching for you over the rim just about make your heart melt. 

As for big blue eyes, Grayden is still rolling and scooting where he wants to go, but he's starting to realize that his brother is mobile. Now that Ren can move, I'll often find the two of them next to each other giggling over something only they can understand.

As a special treat on the weekends, we've been relieving the boys of their helmets for an hour or two while we go swimming. Their propensity for water probably shouldn't have surprised us, but it did, when both boys started kicking and paddling within minutes of entering the pool. Bath time has become a new adventure now that they think they know how to swim, and I end up about as wet as they do.

 

Maybe the next time I'm asked about the helmets, I'll say that I have two future water polo players in training.