Twinstances

As a new twin mom, I envisioned the day when Ren and Grayden would suddenly notice each other. There were some special twin moments from their infancy---such as when they grabbed hands for their first shots in the hospital---but it's likely these moments were random, unplanned acts, and not the "twinstances" I wanted them to be. Even when the boys started sitting up, they barely seemed to notice their womb-mate sitting on the blanket with them. I've read countless online message posts from moms of 6-month old twins asking "When will they finally interact?"

The answer to that, if their babies are anything like mine, is any minute now. By seven months, it was clear that Ren and Gray knew the other existed. And once Ren could crawl, he was drawn to his immobile brother. It was so exciting to witness their awareness of each other, to realize that we truly did give them a permanent playmate. As they grow, we celebrate each child's individual accomplishments, but we also mark their moments of twin-ness. When Grayden pats Ren on the head when meeting strangers or when Ren asks for "more, more, more" crackers, holding out both his and Grayden's cracker bowls. There is something so special about these moments. I've captured a few to share over the last year.

7 Months: Smiling

 

10 Months: Wrestling

16 Months: Head Butting

18 Months: Feeding

19 Months: Head Massaging

Missing from these files is a video of their hysterical laughter. It only happens when they're alone, so I have no idea what they are laughing at. When I try to sneak in with the video camera, they stop. But I will catch it one of these days and add it to the post.

The Green-Nosed Monster

Grayden has a new fascination: shoving food particles up his nose.

We haven't gone to the doctor yet for this particular affliction, but we probably should have. On three occasions, I've had to hold him down, shine a flash light up his nose, and extract some foreign body from high up in his nasal cavity with tweezers. The first instance was a yellow pea---yellow because we hadn't had peas in the three days prior to me finding it in his nose. The second incident was a sliver of a green bean, and the third a very soggy cheerio.

I cannot understand what compels him to place food up his nose. Or worse, what compels him to eat that same food item moments later.

Yep, that's the same green bean.

Of course, this is the same kid who frequently wears a bucket on his head.

Family Parking Spaces: Safety in Parking Lots for Stroller-Bound Children

When I was learning to drive, I clearly remember my mother telling me "Parking lots are free-for-alls. You have to be defensive and ready for anything." And while I've made it 20 some years without an accident in a parking lot (although the same cannot be said for my car---never lend your car to friends and coworkers), those words have haunted me since taking the boys on their first outing to the store.

Let's examine how the mother of a singleton navigates a parking lot. If she has one child---say an infant---she unsnaps the infant seat, carries in into the store, and places it in a shopping cart. If she has a toddler, she takes him out of the car seat, carries him into the store, and places him in a shopping cart. If she has two children, one a toddler and the other 4 or 5 years old, she carries the toddler while holding the hand of the older child. A little more difficult, but still quite do-able. If she's lucky, she stumbles on a cart before even reaching the store, placing the toddler in the seat and the older child in the basket.

Now let's look at a mother of twins. Take me for instance. When we go to the store, I look for a parking space as far away as possible, preferably without cars on either side. I take my stroller out of the back of the car, and then ponder "Which side of the car is most visible to other cars driving by?" In lots with perpendicular parking spots and two-way traffic, both sides are equally dangerous, but in lots with angled spots and one-way traffic, the far side of the car is less visible and thus the most dangerous. I get the child on this side first. Then I move to the other side, praying that no one has taken the parking spot next to me so that I can fit the stroller next to the car. If I can't fit the stroller, the child already strapped into it sits vulnerably at the back of my car. I cannot describe the uneasiness I feel in those moments, unbuckling the second child but warily watching traffic and the stroller handles visible over the back of my car. If the parking space is still open and my stroller fits, I wheel it up next to the door. I still have to look away for the 60 seconds it takes to unbuckle the second twin, and I spend the entire time praying that someone does not come whipping into the spot next to me without seeing my child sitting there in the short, hard-to-spot stroller. And that's just getting out of the car. Getting back in takes twice as long, and usually by the time we emerge from the store, the spots on either side of my car are taken.

Every time we go to the grocery or Walmart or Target or Lowe's, I have to go through these same bouts of terror. I am not the only one. The twin moms in my online communities complain of the same fears. I am sure all mothers of two small, stroller-bound children--whether twins or not---experience the same thing when they are heading to the grocery store.

We protect the disabled in parking lots. All retail parking lots are required by law to have handicapped spaces. I walk by those spots on my way into the store, with their loading zones on each side, and I wonder why we not protect our small children in the same manner.

Parents of higher-order multiples, such as triplets and quads, are often given handicapped parking placards for the first two or three years of their children's lives. I mentioned this to the twin moms on the message boards, but nearly all of them were adamant about not taking those spots from the truly disabled. So I did more research, and learned that in Great Britain, there are "Family Parking" spaces. These are located near the front of the store and they all have loading zones along the sides of the space. Perfect, right? Apparently not. They are not regulated by law, so parents with healthy 8 year olds take them without a thought about the parents who really need them. Some parents of twins on UK message boards said that people are so rude, they never had the opportunity to park in Family Parking spaces at all while their children were small!

So I wondered how we could remedy that here, and there are two solutions:

1. Regulate the Family Parking as we do Handicapped Parking. Pediatricians would have to provide Family Parking Placards, and police would have to fine those who parked illegally.
2. Move the Family Parking spaces further back. If you place them where they are less convenient, people who do not need them are less likely to take them. I have no problem walking from the back of the lot if it means my children are safe. There is a safety issue here, though, if they are placed too far away from the store, especially if parking at night.

Furthermore, if Family Parking is ever offered, stores should also have a cart corral adjacent to the spots with shopping carts that can hold two small children in the seat. All of Sam's Club carts accommodate two children, so there is no reason why other stores could not have them. But they need to be housed close to the parking area. When I go to Sam's, I have to lock my kids in the car and go get a shopping cart, because unlike a mother of one toddler, I cannot carry both of them into the store where the carts are kept. Again, pure terror as I run in to get the cart and pray my babies are okay for the 30 seconds I am away. These double shopping carts would actually be an asset to the store. I cannot tell you how many times I have passed up purchases because I couldn't fit any more items in the under-stroller storage basket.

Great ideas, right? I thought so. So I sent letters to all the major retailers in my area, including Walmart, Target, Walgreens, Harris Teeter, and Publix. After all, the number of multiple births---especially twin births---is skyrocketing. There are 76% more twins births today than in 1980, and 47% more today than in 1990. On Friday I was at Target and saw two sets of young twins in the store. All of us parents had our children in strollers. And there are many women who have children within 12 to 18 months of each other who could benefit from a solution as well. So I asked for Family Parking spaces, located away from the store, complete with loading zones and double shopping carts nearby.

So far all I've gotten is "Thank-you-for-your-suggestion" letters signed by an employee with a single name ("Sincerely, Karen,") so I know I am not being taken seriously. I've thought about starting a petition on Change.org, but I'm just not sure who to send the petition to. The CEOs of individual stores? Government officials? The American Academy of Pediatrics? Unless my letter happens to randomly come across the desk of a parent of multiples (and one who has actually taken his children to the store), I'm afraid no one will really care. I know that this issue will not be solved while my boys are still small enough to benefit from the solution, but I'll do anything to save future twin moms from the parking lot terror I've experienced for the last 18 months. I'm defensive. I'm ready for anything. I just don't know how to protect our kids in the free-for-all.

If you have any ideas, please send them my way.

How to shop with an umbrella stroller.

18 Months

I've been away from blogging for so long, that Blogger has a new look. And as with all changes, I don't like it.


I apologize for lagging behind. Juggling motherhood, a full time job, and a part time job seems to prevent me from doing the other things on my To-Do list (blogging, financial planning, wedding planning, backyard renovating, writing a Twins book, writing an adult novel, writing a teen novel, selling my children's book, and those are just the things I thought of immediately). 



So without further ado, what did the mama tomato say to the lagging baby tomato? CATCH UP!

Vacation. Riiiight.

In March we headed to Charleston for Larry's brother's wedding. We rented a home overlooking a marina, so Ren got to wake up every morning and say "BIG BOAT!" And unlike at home, where our 12 foot duck boat resides in the garage, he was right for a change. There were all sorts of yachts and mega boats that the boys and Larry could drool over from the comfort of our veranda.


This was our first trip with the boys, and I had no idea how much it would entail. My packing list was literally three pages long and we stuffed two cars full of high chairs, cribs, toys, food, and clothes. It's amazing that the babies actually fit...and that I didn't forget them, given all I had to remember. Thanks to Sasha, who recommended we take a roll of duct tape for baby proofing the rental home. Pure genius.  The house looked like a crime scene with all of the designer skull-and-crossbones duct tape I used, but at least the boys were safe.


I'm not sure where or when the actual "R&R" occurred though. I think the only way moms get a true vacation is if they go alone. And leave their cell phones and computers behind.


The following weekend we made a 10-hour trek to Cincinnati for my uncle's wedding. I had no idea how easy Charleston was until that trip. We were ALL very glad to be home the entire month of April.

"Big Boat!"

Doctor Shopping

In January I fired our pediatricians. They incorrectly coded a "procedure" performed on Ren and when I called to inform the office manager of the situation, they passed me off onto someone else who said "Well, that's the way we've done it for 10 years." And I've always driven 80 mph, but if I get caught, there will be consequences. 

I'm still not sure how to rectify the situation. Because my deductible has not been met, I paid out of pocket, so United Healthcare does not seem to care about the situation, even though they've been ripped off for 10 years. I've filed a fraud claim, and we'll see where that goes. I don't even want my money back. I just want them to stop charging people 5 times the acceptable amount.


Anyway, we found a new pediatrician. While the last shop had four doctors, this office only has one. I am excited about that, because if the boys get sick, they see their doctor, not whoever is in the office that day. Plus, there is no answering service, where someone decides whether my call is important enough to pass onto a doctor. The new pediatrician takes all emergency calls. This is how I remember my pediatrician operating, and I'm happy the boys will have a similar experience. 


At their 18 month visit, Gray measured in the 70th percentile for height! At his 15 month visit, he was only in the 30th percentile. I don't know if this is truly a big growth spurt, or just faulty measuring at the 15 month appointment (where he was suddenly a half inch shorter than he was at 12 months. When I inquired about this with the [now-fired] pediatrician, she said, "Well it's not an exact measurement. It's an estimation." Funny, because when Ren dropped off those charts, that same doctor made me feed him butter for 3 months). Gray's weight is not surprisingly in the 85th percentile. He's a big boy. But like the new pediatrician said, as long as his weight and height are in the same vicinity, it's okay. I should not cut him off of whole milk, as suggested by the previous doctors.


Ren's weight is in the 17th percentile, and his height is in the 7th. This is actually a growth spurt for him! It's so odd having twins that are so disproportionate. Most strangers in Walmart ask me if Ren is younger or they assume he is a girl. Given that these are people I meet in Walmart, it doesn't bother me too much.

Not a "big boat" but enough to scare the big boy.

Gettin' Lippy

The boys' vocabulary has exploded in the last 3 months. They surprise me daily with new words. Last week we were walking in the neighborhood past a 15 mph speed limit sign. Grayden pointed at it and yelled "FIVE!" I was floored. He's also a shape guru, saying "circle," "square," "triangle," "rectangle," "oval," and "star." While Ren can identify all of these shapes, he doesn't vocalize them yet. But he is the animal sound expert---he even knows how to hiss like a snake. 


I am excited to watch all of these changes but a little sad, too. Not only because the boys tell me "No," now, but also because it's quite clear they are almost little boys and no longer babies.

"SIDE! SIDE!" 

We've turned our front yard into a children's wonderland (I stay out of the backyard because of snakes and the aforementioned lack of backyard renovations). The boys have a sandbox, water table, pool, and assorted yard toys. So at some point every day, we start hearing the chant of "SIDE! SIDE! SIDE!" indicating that the have had enough of their indoor wonderland and want to venture into the great outdoors. 


At first I had trouble keeping them under control. One would run east, the other south, and as Sasha said, you're forced to decide who to save. We even rigged up a clothesline which I strung backpack harnesses to so that they had some outdoor time when I was alone with them. But they are listening better, and on good days, I'm brave enough to take them outside on my own without any restraints. On good days.